Thursday, April 15, 2010

Challenging Inadequacy

It is hard to believe that it has almost been a year since graduating. I entered into the "real world" considering myself to be an applied idealist, in the sense that I knew my plans and values were idealistic, but that I intended to stop at nothing to apply them realistically. Furthermore, I recognized that I was taking an unorthodox approach from typical salaried pursuits, but was sure that if I stayed true to the purity of my desires to write, and change lives living on nothing now, I would reap the rewards of everything later.

How was I to know all of the challenges to come though? Referring to the last post, I came home stripped of my confidence in past accomplishments. To lose a parent is to lose an immeasurable amount of love, encouragement, and strength; much less assurance in everything I used to think I knew. However, amidst these painful struggles, all of the free time I meant to adequately spend on my books and projects gave too much leeway to doubt and thoughts of personal inadequacy.

Additionally, blame it on the economy, soaring unemployment, or your own opinions, but an abundance of my friends were battling intimidating uncertainty with their futures also. Having gone through the worst of these times physically and emotionally though (hopefully), I have been made brutally cognizant that it is on us to take responsibility for our own lives rather than blame anybody else. Then, and only then, was I able to take back control of my circumstances. Similarly I am proud of my friends, family, and fellow Re-Beats who have done the same by: getting into med-school, teaching in other parts of the world, leaving dead end jobs for graduate school, engineering work, music and the arts, and my own aunt who has chosen to go after her life long dream of being a nurse.

They, along with myself now excited to write the tale of my beautiful mother's impact through her amazing journey, are rejuvenated by a renewed sense of purpose for a greater life that would never be freely handed to us otherwise. This is the truest essence of the Re-Beats philosophy.

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